Previous post: Gym Diaries Part 3: All the pain
Ok, so I just noticed I haven’t written a Gym Diaries post since Sep 16th. I do have my reasons though!
So for the rest of September, I continued going to my training sessions with a personal trainer at least once a week. I was working out like 1 or 2 additional days per week, which was a total of 2 or 3 days a week. Then, in October I decided to do my #Codetober series of videos, which took up all my content creation time. I didn’t write any blog posts or create other videos this month. I think I did go to the gym a few times, but I can’t remember exactly how many at this point.
Then, I think some time in mid-October or the start of November I made the huge mistake of attending a session with a trainer without having any breakfast and without having enough sleep time the night before. This made me have shortness of breath while trying to work out with the trainer and I almost fainted twice. The trainer kept asking me if I was ok or if I needed to rest, but I kept saying I was fine. Finally, after 15-ish minutes I told him I was not ok and that I didn’t have any breakfast. He then said we should stop the session because it could be dangerous for me. Which I agreed with.
That was the last time I went to the gym.
It didn’t just happen though. I remember maybe 2 or 3 times before that last time, I was feeling very anxious before going to the trainer session. I started feeling stressed the day before going. I guess maybe I subconsciously decided not to eat breakfast so I’d feel weak and I’d have an excuse to give up? Dunno.
How’d I know I wanted to stop going to the gym? It wasn’t fun anymore. It wasn’t challenging anymore. And I don’t mean in the physical sense - it was still super challenging physically. I mean, at first, I felt motivated on challenging myself and trying out more and more weight each time. But the last few times I didn’t feel like that. As soon as I entered the gym, I felt that I just wanted it to be over. Whether it was with a trainer or not.
I started feeling like I wasn’t doing enough. I kept comparing myself to others, thinking I should be able to do the same thing they’re doing. Thinking I wasn’t advancing as fast as I should. I kept feeling weaker and weaker, even though I was increasing the weight I was lifting or doing more cardio. I started feeling a bit bad about my body because it wasn’t as sculpted as the rest of the people in the same room.
So, yeah. It started slow. Small things. And I didn’t want to admit that I didn’t want to go anymore because I felt even weaker or not being able to continue. I didn’t want to feel like I had failed.
It took me like 2 or 3 weeks or so to finally admit to myself that I did not want to continue going anymore. When I canceled, I felt bad. But I also felt a HUGE relief. I didn’t have to go anymore. I didn’t have to continue lying to myself saying that I was taking some time to rest but I’d go back next week. It was done and I didn’t have to continue paying for a service I was not using.
I guess what I’m trying to say is if you take upon a hobby because it’s something you want to try out or because it’s something that brings you joy, then the last thing you want to do is to continue doing it because you feel like you have to. I think as soon as you’re not having fun with it, it’s not a good hobby anymore. And of course, you can try it again after a while, if you feel like trying again. But if you still don’t feel good about it, you can leave it and it’s ok.
I hope my experience can help someone else out there. If this is the sign you needed to stop doing that thing you don’t want to do anymore, then take it.
Life’s too short to get stuck on a joyless hobby. :)